Tory Policy...

I recently received a recording of a speech made by a recently adopted Conservative candidate to his constituency association and I thought a transcript might be of interest to whose who do not necessarily share his views:

 Friends,

First of all, let me say how grateful I am to have been adopted as your candidate.  I know, having talked to many of you, that we share common aims in achieving a truly Conservative nation.  I also know I can speak frankly to you, and if what I say is not yet publicly stated Conservative policy, let me assure you that my views are shared by our leaders and many MPs, even if they cannot be expressed as openly as yet. Our general aim, of course, is to dismantle the welfare state. 

We are well on the way to ridding ourselves of the so-called National Health Service, itself a socialist product of the post-War Labour Government.  The privatisation of key elements of the Health Service is proceeding well, but we have much further to go.  Let me be clear.  There should be no reliance on the state to provide medical services.  It is up to individuals to look after their own health needs, for which private insurance is readily available.  Doctors and hospitals should be normal businesses, making profit to provide health care.  This would improve efficiency.  It has already been suggested that doctors should charge for appointments and I see no reason why hospitals should not also charge for the services which they provide. As I'm sure you know, the health service was not the only section of the economy nationalised by the post-War Socialist Government as part of a conspiracy to turn the United Kingdom into a Socialist Republic. 

We have already returned most of the commanding heights of the economy into private hands and the privatisation of the Post Office will continue our efforts.  As far as education is concerned, we are making progress in dismantling State and local authority control by encouraging private ownership of schools and this will continue with appropriate incentives given for companies, churches and charities to take over school education.  Nor should we dictate what is taught in schools beyond basic literacy and numeracy.  Speaking personally, I see no reason why the State should insist on education beyond the age of 15 or even 14.  Those who leave school and do not find work should be made to work on some of the country's expanding infrastructural projects.  Our transport system, for example, still needs cheap manual labour.  And before socialists bleat that this is morally wrong, let me point out that even in Communist Albania, school children had the responsibility for laying the track for the country's railways.  Hard physical labour will develop fitness and encourage the work ethic.As you will know, we are reducing the enormous, ridiculous burden of welfare benefits and I confidently expect much further progress in  shrinking the role of the State in welfare as a whole.  Indeed, no-one should expect State hand-outs with nothing in return.  Everyone should make provision for ill-health, periods of unemployment and old age.  I know some may feel this harsh, but for those who have made little or no personal provision for the future, then I am very much in favour of a Victorian solution; namely,the workhouse.  I would remind you that no-one was forced into a workhouse, but those who felt they had no alternative could apply to be accommodated. 

Naturally, for those who are able , directed work would be a pre-requisite for entry.  I would hope that charities would help to finance and run these institutions, but a minimum of state aid would, I accept, have to be provided. I have been asked whether the above policies should be enforced on Scotland and I would argue that, assuming a positive vote for the Union in the forthcoming referendum, the Scotch should abide by the same regulations applicable to England.  A vote for the Union should imply the abolition of an independent judiciary, no separate education system or separate health service, and so on.  The Scotch could surely make do with Holyrood merely having an administrative function. 

After all, Scotch MPs are present in Westminster to make their views known. Some have mentioned that the Labour Party leader, Ed Millipede, and his colleagues have endorsed some of our radical policies to roll back socialism and eliminate the residual power of trade unions.  This may seem to be so, and it does reflect the desire of the electorate for our policies.  But I would remind you that Ed and David's father, Ralph Millipede,was a Communist and there is no evidence that his sinister beliefs have ever been disavowed by his sons. The population wants a reduced tax burden, more choice in education and health and a continued attack on sloth and fecklessness.  We should make sure we represent and lead these attitudes, and I believe the press will be behind us.  Some of you may know the tract issued by the author of Gulliver's Travels, Jonathon Swift, in 1729.  This was a time of great famine in Ireland and the tract, A Modest Proposal,suggested that the solution to the famine was to eat the surplus Irish children of that benighted nation. 

Now, naturally, I would not recommend such a radical solution to the problems of poverty,but Swift's tract does illustrate the blue-sky thinking in which we should indulge to eliminate the curse of socialism which has benighted us for so long. 

Finally, thank you for allowing me to express my views to you.  When I become your MP, rest assured that I will make every effort to effect the policies which I have laid before you. 

At which the candidate, Winston Algernon Norris Ker, sat down to enthusiastic and prolonged applause.